One month before my 40th birthday in 2013, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. My kids at the time were 7 and 3 years old. They were barely old enough to understand Mommy was extremely sick with a horrible disease. Within a few months of diagnosis, I had a double mastectomy and started chemotherapy. I experienced a lot of complications and infections from my mastectomy and treatment. I ended up in the hospital throughout the year and was finally able to start radiation and had 6 reconstructive surgeries the following year. It was a hard journey, and when I look back, I see everything I did wrong and what I wish I had done differently. But I also realized I did my best to navigate an incredibly challenging situation, I did not choose.
I was in remission for eight years while taking Fareston instead of Tamoxifen. I enjoyed the crazy life of raising kids, starting my own business, living an active, healthy lifestyle, and exercising regularly. Then one day in early 2021, I started feeling tired and experiencing constant pain in my lower back. I knew the tired feeling wasn’t good, it was the original feeling I had with my first diagnosis. But I ignored the signs and thought it was from being busy in life, running a business, and moving to a different state.
My family and I moved in the summer of 2022 from our community of 30 years in Northern California, to a little mountain town by the river in Central Oregon. Shortly after we moved, I fell and was forced to get an MRI of my back. I remember picking up the phone on October 16th and being told I have stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer. My cancer had metastasized to my bones in many places throughout my spine, ribs, and pelvis. I was devastated. After hanging up the phone, I sat and stared out the window for a couple hours processing the information. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do, was telling my husband and kids the cancer had come back.
We were now in a new community and barely knew anyone. I just received some of the worst news possible and really missed my friends and the support network we had built over the years. We questioned if we should go back, but in the end decided to stay and have faith in the choice we made together.
Finding MBC programs at Pink Lemonade Project and others from around the country has been life-preserving from a very isolating and drowning experience. Having connections with other MBC patients has helped to educate and support me while on this difficult path.
I am almost three years into my MBC journey. My days are a lot slower and quieter now. I decided to close my business and retire early, which was extremely heartbreaking but necessary.
I want to focus on the important things in life while I can. I try to remain positive most days, but as we all know, some days are easier than others. My son is now 14, and my daughter is 18. My husband and I try to do the best we can, and sometimes I feel like it’s barely enough. But then I catch a smile from a stranger, a purr from my cat, a big hug from a family member, or laughter with an old friend, and things seem right again. Time goes by so fast; I want to slow down and “smell the roses” more.
